Isabella Merrick

Where does the time go? It seems like only yesterday I was updating this everyday and now I hardly have time to look at it at all. But that's what happens when one works for Merrick Biotech. When one is the heir to Merrick Biotech.

Funny thing is...I think I've lost time again. Everything from the past few months is fuzzy. Anyone know anything about that?

[Locked]

I did something today I haven't done in a long long time. I cut myself. Intentionally. I just...I needed to feel something. I've been locked up here, avoiding everyone, and feeling numb. I don't know who to turn to or if there even is anyone I could turn to.

Days like this I wonder what it would have been like had my mother lived. How different would everything be?

It's not like I resent anything that happened. I just wonder.

I hate that things are the way they are. But I don't know how to fix them.

*sigh*

[/Locked]

Alone. I don't think I have ever felt this alone in my entire life. My father's losing it, Daniel is woh knows where, and while I've reached out to a few of the clones here, I feel they're a little suspicious or wary of me. Merrick-109-Gamma seems down right scared of me.

I thought my coming here would make everything better. That Dad and I would...

Why is everything getting worse?

[Encrypted in every way possible]

So I haven't been entirely honest about the other night. Yes, I went out with 6Beta and yes, we kissed. But I also invited him upstairs.

He didn't stay. He said he had some things to take care of. But he came up and...it was nice.

I think I'm in love.

Dad's gonna kill me.

I heard sirens earlier. That was a little weird. Apparently there's another clone on the loose. Dad must be freaking out.

I hate to say I've been avoiding him. I'm just so afraid he'll take one look at me and know. Know what 6Beta and I did. Where we went. That I kissed him...more than once.

But I do want to see Uncle Daniel. So I'm going to have to face him eventually.

I hate feeling this way. I love my father.

Ugh.

Uncle Daniel's coming! Now that's a pleasant surprise. According to the e-mail he sent me, he'll be here this afternoon.

Good. I think Dad could use a visit from Daniel. He needs to relax...lighten up...and he needs someone to talk to. He also needs someone to distract him from the fact that I think I'm crushing on L6. No. Scratch that. I know I am.

How did last night go, you ask? I'll tell you later.

Right now I should be getting off to rounds...right after I feed Mr. Fluffy.

Later

I don't have long so I'm going to try to cram a lot of information in here.

First, I have a new feline. He's orange and white and absolutely adoreable. Actually, he looks just like Mr. Fluffy and so I've named him such. He's very sweet tempered and has already decided that he likes both my pillow and the fish that live in the wall tank. I spent near an hour today watching him watching them.

I only regret my father didn't have time to bring him down to me personally. Oh well...

Onto my second but of news...

The reason I'm so short on time is that I'm rushing out to meet 6-Beta. I'm going to take him out for Sake and then convince him to show me around Tokyo. It should be fun.

TTFN

I'm finally up and moving. I feel a bit better after the extra sleep.

Dad's in meetings all day. He wants me to go down and watch a brain scan...provided I'm up to it. I think I am. Besides, a brain scan sounds fun...or interesting at any rate.

According to my father's e-mail, I got hurt being in the restricted area. Makes sense. I have horrible luck with things like that. It kind of sucks.

The odd thing, though, was Dad warning me off the Community Floors. Maybe I'll ask Logan about them. I can't see any reason for me not to go down there.

And speaking of odd (I know this is disjointed -- bear with me), I thought of Mr. Fluffy today. Mr. Fluffy was my cat when I was little. He died a while ago and with being in college and moving around, I never really thought about getting another pet. But now...I don't know. I must have dreamed about him or something.

I asked Dad if I could have a cat, though. We'll see what he says.

To: John Merrick [jmerrick@fac02.merrick.org]
From: Isabella Merrick [imerrick@fac02.merrick.org]

Daddy,

Sorry for missing rounds. I feel like shit. I think I'm just going to sleep a few more hours. But I'll still make the meeting and other things this afternoon. Promise.

Also...do you know what happened yesterday? How did I hurt my arm? And why don't I remember anything?

Maybe it's jet lag playing with my mind.

Anyway...love you.

- Bella



(OOC: Had to make him feel worse)

So I wake up this morning and there's a bandage on my arm. What's more, I can't remember anything from yesterday afternoon. Nothing. I remember going on rounds and then going down to the labs...but after that, nothing. What happened yesterday?

Why do I feel like shit? On top of my arm throbbing, I'm a bit woozy. Normally I would take something for the pain but I'm afraid what will happen if I get any loopier. So I think I will bear with it until I see Dad.

Oh shit! Rounds. I really don't want to go on rounds this morning.

I'm going back to bed. If Dad has a problem with that he can come find me. I'll go poke around later. Though...what am I poking around for. Nevermind. Besides...I think I promised Dad I'd help him with something later.

I'm so confused.

I took some valium last night -- not that I needed it. The thirteen hour flight was more than enough to knock me out. But what if I hadn't taken it and then I hadn't slept? That would have been a horrible way to start out.

But I did sleep and I'm up with my alarm. Whoever invented 7am rounds is insane. The patients don't want to be up that early...I'm sure the other doctors don't. Madness, I tell you. Madness.

Though part of me is almost certain that if rounds weren't done at 7am that my father would move them so. He likes beginning his day early. There were some days...I mean, would it have really hurt to go to 10am mass on Sundays? or Noon? Did it always have to be 8am?

Oh yes...my father is Catholic, as am I. Surprised? He and the church have their...issues...when it comes to science and scientific progress but at the very heart of it all he is quite devout. Me...not so much. I still go to church on holidays, of course. But even since college I...I've drifted away. I no longer attend mass regularly.

Anyway, I should run. I'm already going to be late. Hopefully after rounds I can look around some more. I have a key now.

Just got back from dinner with Dad. He took me for Sushi, which was nice considering it's my first night in Japan. I was a little hesitant about moving here but...who knows...this could be fun. The servants are kind of freaky, though. Especially the ones in the facilities. I might have to start putting bells on them.

But I digress...

Dad and I talked about the facility over dinner. He promised me this time was different. That it wasn't like Arizona. I know he's probably lying to me, but I can't help it. I want to believe him. I want it to work out. And so I agreed to work for him -- as his head Research Assistant. Not too bad. The salary's unbelieveable and I'll have high level access (perfect for snooping). But if I find something....it's on.

Then there's the matter of Six-Beta. Dad told me to stay away from him. That he's a soilder and cannot be allowed distractions. I know plenty of soilders that are involved...so that's crap. I think he's just being Dad and so I'm going to choose to ignore him on this one. I mean...Six-Beta's smile is...it's amazing. I have to have him.

Sorry, Daddy.

Anyway...jet lag has gotten the better of me and so I'm going to collapse into bed. I start rounds tomorrow -- 7am. Oh joy. Oh joy.

Is it too late to go back to college?

My mother died in childbirth...so my father never felt it necessary to put me into therapy. For this I am very thankful. I don't find it easy to talk about my feelings...my father is probably the only one I've ever done so with...and only then it's because he can read me better than I could probably read myself.

So...needless to say the intro evaluation they did on me was difficult. But it was better than being in Dad's office and he's taking me out for sushi tonight.

It's odd. I'm 20 years old and about the begin a career with a major pharmaceutical company and yet...I don't feel like an adult. I feel like I'm 16. Is this crazy?

Not that seeing Six-Beta helped at all. He's gorgeous and I might just have to make friends.

Anyway...here's what my mental said...

( Mental Evaluation )

Yes yes, I know. My journal is a little...cutesy...but I couldn't help it. I find the kittens and the pink rather comforting. Just looking at it calms me.

I don't know why I'm so nervous. Perhaps its because I can no longer ignore what my father's doing. I can no longer ignore that he has changed -- that he is not the man I once worshipped. He is not the man I remember. And now he wants me to work for him.

Three, four years ago I would have jumped at the chance. His work was the reason I took Bio on as a double major with dance. I fully intended to help run the Merrick Institute. But now...now I'm not so sure. No matter what he says those clones are now human and...I don't know. I honestly don't know.

I suppose the best thing to do is to hold all judgement until I get there. Maybe this second facility won't be as bad. Maybe he has gone back to original plan.

Maybe...